


So I'll Love Whatever You Become

by translester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, Fluff, M/M, closeting, let's write more fics that explore closeting and also phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 15:56:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5096525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/translester/pseuds/translester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil struggles with being in the closet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So I'll Love Whatever You Become

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from the muse song falling away with you

Phil was happy. He had a wild year, and was caught up in new love at the end of it. He was proud of himself in many ways, and he was enjoying sharing his life and creativity online.

A year later, Phil was happy. He had a lovable boyfriend who loved him back. He knew who he was. People knew him. That made him happy; people cared about what he made. Then again, that might have been where it all started. The decline.

A year later, Phil wasn't as happy. He still had his boyfriend and they were still in love. He still knew who he was. People still knew him. But they didn't _know_ him. He couldn't tell them how much he loved Dan. He felt weird not telling people who cared about him about his relationship with one of the most important people in his life.

A year later, Phil was unhappy. He didn't have his boyfriend. They broke it off for reasons unnamed and, in Phil's mind, rather unimportant. He'd rather not dwell on the break up anyway. He didn't know who he was. He had spent so much time fooling others that he had begun to fool himself. Who lived inside his skin? He couldn't tell you.

A year later, Phil was still unhappy. He and Dan hadn't gotten back together. It had taken a while for things to stop being as awkward between them. Phil was still confused. He didn't know himself anymore. He was trying to find the part of him he lost. But he was denying that part of him like he did when he first realized it was there. He felt like a teenager again, and he wasn't enjoying it.

A year later, Phil never knew whether he was happy or unhappy. He just existed most of the time. If he was honest, he felt like most of his thoughts were caught up in accepting who he was. He just wasn't there yet. It felt like he never would be. He felt exceptionally alone; a liquid state of loneliness drowned him constantly, no matter how many people surrounded him.

A year later, Phil is becoming happy. He's finally accepted himself once again. For the first time in years, he can call himself bisexual and not feel himself tense up. It's becoming relaxing once again. He knows who he is. (Oh, and he and Dan realized that they're better together. They're planning to come out soon.)


End file.
